I've wondered to myself countless times, "Which part of my life was the happiest?"
Secondary was an awkward part of life. The process of growing up, finding oneself. It helped that a decade of my life was spent in a convent school. One less thing to worry about: boy problems. It makes a hell load of difference really. Academics was manageable due to countless tuition sessions, something which I've grown to be very dependent on. And at this point of life, friends became the utmost important, family was put on hold. In school, I was too busy battling insecurities about being a skinny, bespectacled geek with braces, subjected to countless insensitive remarks that made me feel even more invisible next to friends who were getting out of their ugly-duckling stages. But drama helped me express myself, made me more outgoing. It became my outlet. When I was seperated from the ATTs when we went to different classes in Sec 3. I had to make new friends, and it was great cos my new class had the most awesome people that made days in school crazy fun. I never knew one of them would eventually turn against me.
In JC, many people told me that girl school girls turned crazy at the sight of boys. I'm sure I kept my cool though, having already 2 ex-boyfriends by the time I was in J1. It didn't change much in me. Well, some people didn't think so. I rediscovered contact lenses and found myself being more confident. I no longer hid behind a pair of thick prescription glasses. I went for school leadership camps, participated in an overseas exchange trip to Cambridge University. I was totally involved and made many new friends. That's when gossip started and even my closest JC friends from the same Sec school started acting weirdly around me. That's when I discovered the viciousness of the real world. Just because I clicked better with guys? JC was also where I gained a boyfriend at the expense of my friendship with my JC1 clique. Worth it? I would say yes. Who needs friends like these. Friends who acted differently towards me when I got retained. It didn't matter that I had to spend an extra year there anyway. I met better friends who gave me support in every way, emotionally, physically and spiritually. In a way, me retaining was a blessing in disguise, after all, I also made it to a local U.
I brought along a shield around me when I entered University. Till today, I've not trusted anyone fully, and truth be told, there are countless skeletons in my closet, bursting to reveal themselves. I've been betrayed so many times that I find it hard to totally be myself. I hate this feeling, like I'm constantly wearing a mask cos I'm afraid of what people will really think. People judge you, it's inevitable. I would say that the process of finding myself has become even harder now.
Which part of my life was the happiest? I think that part has yet to come.
edit: after doing this post, I've decided to clean out my Facebook friends list. I don't need fakeness in my life, and that includes fake friends whom you don't even talk to in real life.
Secondary was an awkward part of life. The process of growing up, finding oneself. It helped that a decade of my life was spent in a convent school. One less thing to worry about: boy problems. It makes a hell load of difference really. Academics was manageable due to countless tuition sessions, something which I've grown to be very dependent on. And at this point of life, friends became the utmost important, family was put on hold. In school, I was too busy battling insecurities about being a skinny, bespectacled geek with braces, subjected to countless insensitive remarks that made me feel even more invisible next to friends who were getting out of their ugly-duckling stages. But drama helped me express myself, made me more outgoing. It became my outlet. When I was seperated from the ATTs when we went to different classes in Sec 3. I had to make new friends, and it was great cos my new class had the most awesome people that made days in school crazy fun. I never knew one of them would eventually turn against me.
In JC, many people told me that girl school girls turned crazy at the sight of boys. I'm sure I kept my cool though, having already 2 ex-boyfriends by the time I was in J1. It didn't change much in me. Well, some people didn't think so. I rediscovered contact lenses and found myself being more confident. I no longer hid behind a pair of thick prescription glasses. I went for school leadership camps, participated in an overseas exchange trip to Cambridge University. I was totally involved and made many new friends. That's when gossip started and even my closest JC friends from the same Sec school started acting weirdly around me. That's when I discovered the viciousness of the real world. Just because I clicked better with guys? JC was also where I gained a boyfriend at the expense of my friendship with my JC1 clique. Worth it? I would say yes. Who needs friends like these. Friends who acted differently towards me when I got retained. It didn't matter that I had to spend an extra year there anyway. I met better friends who gave me support in every way, emotionally, physically and spiritually. In a way, me retaining was a blessing in disguise, after all, I also made it to a local U.
I brought along a shield around me when I entered University. Till today, I've not trusted anyone fully, and truth be told, there are countless skeletons in my closet, bursting to reveal themselves. I've been betrayed so many times that I find it hard to totally be myself. I hate this feeling, like I'm constantly wearing a mask cos I'm afraid of what people will really think. People judge you, it's inevitable. I would say that the process of finding myself has become even harder now.
Which part of my life was the happiest? I think that part has yet to come.
edit: after doing this post, I've decided to clean out my Facebook friends list. I don't need fakeness in my life, and that includes fake friends whom you don't even talk to in real life.
