MOVED.

MOVED MOVED MOVED MOVED.

Thanks

Firstly I want to say sorry to friends who have been concerned with how I'm doing. I guess I've worried some of you with my constant emo post and status updates. Thanks for all the text messages and tweets and fb comments/messages.

I would like to get through one day without pissing myself off with my own stupidity. Sometimes I just get so blur it's damn annoying and costing me good paying jobs in fact!

Sigh. I shall learn to see the glass half full. To end on a lighter note, I probably need this:

It's a cup that will only fill the top portion where it's half-full! It's from fredflare.com but I'm gonna try and find out whether it's being sold locally. Drink positively. (:

I've been thinking. I wonder if, when the day comes and I'm no longer in existence, will people say, "I saw it coming, she was so broken, it was bound to happen."

Maybe, one day they would.

I'm so ______. I belong no where.

I'm no good when I'm alone. Seriously hate it when Thursday and Friday rolls by cuz my roomie would have gone home and the room is really empty. I grew up sleeping in the same room as my sister(s). So I hate sleeping alone. I guess it's also the feeling of hall life. I'm one homesick kid.

No idea why I've been blogging so often. I guess the haircut made me more emotional so I feel the need the pen down my thoughts. On my recently-googled list:

How to make hair grow faster
How to lose weight
Is it safe to bathe after eating

Haha. The last one was due to someone saying that bathing straight after you eat was no good for digestion or something like that.

Anyway, funny/creepy story for today: During my Macro economics lecture, my lecturer told us that she found a quiz paper that didn't have a name on it and when she went back to check against the register, she realized that it didn't belong to anyone. There are 123 students in our module, but she received 124 quiz papers! And the unknown person actually scored 9/10. She asked the person to own up...but no one did. Everyone was either freaked out/amused/can't be bothered that this mystery would never be solved. Haha.

Hairography part deux

Still can't get over it. WHY DID I CUT MY HAIRRR!!

"Should I buy one size smaller cuz I'm going to lose weight?"

HEHE.

Hairography

I had a haircut today! (Okay this picture is inaccurate cos i clipped it up at the back.) I hate it cos it's so much shorter now. It used to reach the middle of my back, pass my bra line (if you get what I mean) and now it can't even cover my boobs. Makes me feel nekkid. Haha. My hair almost reached the stage where I could go topless and pretend I'm a mermaid but still have enough hair to cover my boobs completely. Okay. Don't think I'm weird but I'm just saying. I succumbed to a haircut cos of those split ends! Okay I'm to blame too cos I'm not like Val who will vividly describe to the hairstylist what she wants. I merely said, "Trim and cut fringe shorter" and this is what I ended up with. Ah lian hairstylist = ah lian hairstyle. ): If I had known, I wouldn't want it to be so layered...and short! My sisters will have a field day making fun of me after they see me on the weekends. Sigh.

Okay besides the point. I'm in need of a job now. My $50-for-4-hours job got canceled. Jan told me this morning and I was so sad I went back to sleep. Actually I was sad partly cos I was looking forward to dressing up and putting on the new red lipstick I just bought. (We had to dress mafia-ish) Damnz. Any job lobang please feel free to comment over here thanks!

I have a project meeting in 10 minutes over at Hall 3 but my roomie's not back yet. And I just realized that I haven't completed my slides! Shall go do now. BYE!

Timeline.

I've wondered to myself countless times, "Which part of my life was the happiest?"

Secondary was an awkward part of life. The process of growing up, finding oneself. It helped that a decade of my life was spent in a convent school. One less thing to worry about: boy problems. It makes a hell load of difference really. Academics was manageable due to countless tuition sessions, something which I've grown to be very dependent on. And at this point of life, friends became the utmost important, family was put on hold. In school, I was too busy battling insecurities about being a skinny, bespectacled geek with braces, subjected to countless insensitive remarks that made me feel even more invisible next to friends who were getting out of their ugly-duckling stages. But drama helped me express myself, made me more outgoing. It became my outlet. When I was seperated from the ATTs when we went to different classes in Sec 3. I had to make new friends, and it was great cos my new class had the most awesome people that made days in school crazy fun. I never knew one of them would eventually turn against me.

In JC, many people told me that girl school girls turned crazy at the sight of boys. I'm sure I kept my cool though, having already 2 ex-boyfriends by the time I was in J1. It didn't change much in me. Well, some people didn't think so. I rediscovered contact lenses and found myself being more confident. I no longer hid behind a pair of thick prescription glasses. I went for school leadership camps, participated in an overseas exchange trip to Cambridge University. I was totally involved and made many new friends. That's when gossip started and even my closest JC friends from the same Sec school started acting weirdly around me. That's when I discovered the viciousness of the real world. Just because I clicked better with guys? JC was also where I gained a boyfriend at the expense of my friendship with my JC1 clique. Worth it? I would say yes. Who needs friends like these. Friends who acted differently towards me when I got retained. It didn't matter that I had to spend an extra year there anyway. I met better friends who gave me support in every way, emotionally, physically and spiritually. In a way, me retaining was a blessing in disguise, after all, I also made it to a local U.

I brought along a shield around me when I entered University. Till today, I've not trusted anyone fully, and truth be told, there are countless skeletons in my closet, bursting to reveal themselves. I've been betrayed so many times that I find it hard to totally be myself. I hate this feeling, like I'm constantly wearing a mask cos I'm afraid of what people will really think. People judge you, it's inevitable. I would say that the process of finding myself has become even harder now.

Which part of my life was the happiest? I think that part has yet to come.


edit: after doing this post, I've decided to clean out my Facebook friends list. I don't need fakeness in my life, and that includes fake friends whom you don't even talk to in real life.

Why do you even bother.

OUT.

Full Speed Ahead! Ok....maybe not.

I wonder who reads this space anyway. Life is rather boring. I could say something like, who needs a blog when I've got twitter now (Yes I've succumbed!), but twitter can never be like a blog. I don't know how long I can keep up my twitter anyway.

Recess week was thrown away cos I was too sick to do anything. I hate being sick, it gives way to suicidal thoughts. I would wake up everyday around 11am and eat my meds and then brunch. The meds make me want to puke (cos they are supposed to empty my stomach) so I'll take a long afternoon nap from 2pm to 6pm. After that I'll take my meds again and eat dinner, and I'll want to puke it out again so I'll watch some tv to distract myself and sleep at 12am. And this goes on everyday.

I felt so miserable that when I had to go back to school for Hall Production rehearsals, I kept wanting to admit myself into a hospital cos I was too weak to do anything.

Thank goodness it's over. Can't believe I'm saying this but after 3 weeks of being brought to the edge of hell and back, schoolwork seems strangely therapeutic. For once, I can go about my daily life and not have the urge to throw up every single second.

It's good to be back.

Glee FTW.

Glee has been my perk-me-up ever since I fell ill. This is by far my most favorite TV series, even more than Desperate Housewives, Vampire Diaries or Gossip Girl. I can't stop playing their songs on repeat. Love Finn and Rachel! Would die for a voice like hers.

I still don't know what's wrong with my body. I feel like Melman from Madagascar. People around me think it's all psychological, that I'm just being a hypochondriac. But I can't help it that everything I eat never settles properly, and if I don't eat I feel worse. Still feeling terrible at the moment, but I sense some healing. Fingers crossed.

Some days I just feel like dying.

Work is piling up
I've been sick for two weeks
I've lost all motivation to do anything besides sleep
I feel my life crashing down

Please let everything turn out alright...
Take this pain away.

It's 2.34am and I'm feeling wide awake. Just finished cheer practice a while ago (we are now training for a hall performance) and I decided to treat myself by switching on the air-conditioning. My roomie and I been sleeping without it since school started cos 1) The cost of switching it on is now measured by pre-paid card which we have to top up and 2) The weather has been nice and cooling (until today).

Coping well with school now, constantly forcing myself to sit down for 5 hours straight at the ADM library to study. I regret not taking another module cos now even with 5 modules, I've got the slackest 2.5 day school week. My scriptwriting module is the most fun so far. All we do is meetup for 2.5 hours each week and do a poetry/prose sharing session. Either that or we work on creating children's story books or adapting them into plays.
My teacher is awesome cool and somewhat known in the local theatre scene?

(Hope he doesn't find his picture here. :S haha.)

His name is Michael Corbridge and he is going to join the Royal Shakespeare Company in England this coming April. Cool shit. He's super talented and witty and always has something smart to say. Taking drama modules are a must for me cos it's something I enjoy!

K I was going to update about 21st birthdays but I think I got sidetracked...another time then! (:

I have the sudden urge to bake. Denise's 21st is coming up and she spent a whooping 5k on her party preparations so far. Perhaps some Chanel cupcakes to up the party factor? (:

Daily cheer practice deprived me of movies such that I jumped at opportunities to watch The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus and Law Abiding Citizen this week. Val told me about the good deals she snagged today and now I'm dying to head to town to check out the sales. But I gotta be back in hall by Monday night sigh sigh sigh.

Glitter overkill! But we made an impression. One day later, I still have random glitter bits that appear on my skin/hair/clothes, despite shampooing and scrubbing a thousand times all over!

Half-glad and half-sad that it's over. All the sweat, tears put it. All worth it! 12 position jump from last year - we got 4th! And not to mention, Team Fashionista award for best cheer costumes. But right now it's back to life....sigh...

Never thought I'd really regret majoring in Economics. Mathematics, graphs, theories, sucking my life! Save me please someone. ): The worst thing is that I can change course but I don't know what else to major in.

Hanging in there...for now.

):

During a stunt yesterday, my base crumbled and I fell to the floor, spraining my ankle. All was fine till last night when the sharp pains kicked in. Later, a text message and an angsty call at 4am left me crying myself to sleep.

Today, I got replaced for a few stunts and won't be doing much for the routine. Got what I wanted? Right now, I don't think so. Always at the wrong place at the wrong time...

Looking ahead.

2010 I beg of you, please be good to me.

NEGATIVE
These few days have been the down point of my University life. Cheerleading practices till wee hours of the morning have left me with unfinished tutorials, a blank mind during lectures and an overall sleepy disposition throughout the day. Never thought I'd see the day I become immune to the works of caffeine. My academic work-debt pile is increasing...

My bank is dry. The USA trip came at a heavy cost, though, I do not regret it. I told myself this year I would cut back on working at ICC and focus on academics. But just last week I went back to book slots. A part time job is what I can't do without right now.
School spells $$ : the need to pay for random orientation tee shirts, canvassing funds, meals, school books, notes. 21st birthday presents....SIGH.

POSITIVE
When we take to the cheer floor on Wednesday, I pray that all this will be worth it.

Chinese New Year = money.

*********

It's kinda sad that the negative > positive.

Last post on USA! I didn't upload many pictures so my posts are rather boring. In actual fact, I really loved it there in USA. It's a tie between USA and UK on my Favorite Western Countries list. Heck! I'll even drop the Western and say that both are on my Favorite Countries list, period.

Love the cold weather, the friendly people, the skies that look totally better...but oh well, like they said, the green is always greener on the other side. This trip made me want to travel the world even more! Ultimate life-long dream.

Disneyland! USA > HK!

The rides and attraction there are so much better than HK Disneyland's. But the

gift shop at HK's wins hands down. I collect cookie tin boxes and HK Disneyland's gift shop sold so many designs that I had a hard time choosing which to buy. In USA's, I searched high and low for them but did not find a single one. ): Scrump stuff were not too popular too? SAD ):

One other thing I love about the USA is that people here are never in a rush! No pushing when queueing, everyone relaxed, people gave way and said sorry or excuse me, they would smile and acknowledge your presence. Not like in HK where you had to permanently get ready your pissed face cos everyone was just so kanchiong and kiasu and would push around like no tomorrow.

Our awesome tour guide! Don't be too quick to judge tour guides. I guess we were really lucky to get him as our guide. In the morning, he brought us to all the exciting rides. By the time we broke away from the group for free-and-easy, we practically sat every ride worth sitting. And while we were riding the rides he would quickly go and get Fastpasses for us so when we headed to the next ride we could cut queue. Saved us alot of time! Plus some people in our tour group didn't want to sit some rides, so they gave us more Fastpasses! His fish flag was really prominent in the crowd so we never lost sight of him.
Another thing is that he is so thick-skinned and always insisted that the staff sit our tour group in the first row for some rides, so we could get the best views.

While waiting for the staff to release the barricades and officially open the park for the day. Look at the amount of people!

Adventureland where we sat the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

Nightmare before Christmas ride.

Didn't manage to get Fastpass for this one so we had to queue! Almost queued for one hour.

It's weird but I never left the hotel room without Scrump in my bag...hahah.

In Disneyland, it's a must to see the parade, especially if you have limited time at the park. The parade is where you get to see all the characters! Otherwise you have to run around and try and find them, if you're lucky.

Went over to California Adventure Park, which is opposite Disneyland. Similarly, the tour guide brought us to all the must-sit rides.

Freaking scary ride! If you can spot the black horizontal windows near the burnt area, that's where they open the doors to let you see the entire park and then proceed to drop you, free-fall...multiple times!!!

A Bug's Life 4D show! You really felt like bugs were crawling all over you...yucks..For the rest of the rides, I didn't take many pictures. We were too busy trying to buy souvenirs and stuff and catch the last shuttle bus back to the hotel.

The next day we went to Universal Studios, I didn't bring my cam cos I knew there was gonna be a few rides and I would start to feel the weight. Awesome rides like The Simpsons, The Mummy Returns (we sat that 4 times consecutively), and Jurassic Park. I liked the Studio Tour as well. They brought you to the sets of real television shows and movies. Studio effects stuff happened as well, like floods threatened to wash away our tram, cars blew up in front of our eyes, ceilings fell, explosions, Jaws attempted to eat us, How The Grinch Stole Christmas stand-ins gave us a song and dance number and screen murderers chased after our tram.

HAHA. I only have one picture at Universal Studio:

After Universal Studio, we went to The Block at Orange which was 5 mins away from our hotel. Shopping! Bought a couple of stuff, but F21 was a disappointment (I spent the entire trip looking desperately for F21 and only found it on the last night -_-") The next day, we went on a city tour.

We went to a Mexican street fair. Wanted to try and find a ukulele but only saw poor quality mini guitars (6-stringed).Next up, Hollywood Boulevard!

My favourite shoe/hand prints! The Harry Potter cast.

The star that became famous after the passing. Pun intended!

Loved looking at the people dressed up in the prominent movie characters! But couldn't take pictures with them cos they would demand tips.

Farmers Market for lunch and a bit more shopping!

Passed by the residences at Beverly Hills as well as the high-end boutiques there. One can only dream of the day I am able to finally have a spree here!

Next up, Santa Monica! Loved the seaside. This was where I encountered a man living in a Female public toilet :SLast minute shopping, and off to the airport we go! Home sweet home.
It was good to get away for almost two weeks. Away from the hustle and bustle of our local scene. After I came back, I was intolerant to people who rushed around but I guess soon after, I reverted back to my Singaporean ways anyway. Haha. I miss USA! Totally looking forward to going back. (: